Paul
now turns to the child-parent relationship (3:18-19). This, like the
instruction to the wife and husband, falls into two main imperatives—one for
the children, the other is directed toward the father as head of the household.
To the children, “be
obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord”
(3:20). There are a number of observations that can be made of this imperative:
First, the word children
is the Greek words ta tekna, which indicates a child which is still a dependent.
Under Roman law, they were legal property.
Second, the word obey is upakouete, a compound word meaning to hear under, which denotes
submissiveness and obedience to the head. Ephesians 6:1 gives the same
instruction. Children are to listen and obey their parents. Paul quotes the
commandment of the Law in light of this injunction— “Honor your father and mother” (Eph. 6:2). This injunction is a
quote from the Law. Thieleman points out that there are three reason why
children are to obey:[1]
(1) It is conduct expected in a Christian family. (2) It is “right” or proper
and fair. (3) The Scriptures command it, and the children who obey will live
long successful lives (cf. Exodus 20:12).
Third, this obedience is to be all encompassing— “in everything.”
Fourth, the basis for this obedience is that it is well-pleasing to the Lord. The idea of
well-pleasing is acceptability. Paul uses the concept in Rom. 12:1; 14:18;
Phil. 4:18. These verses bring out four elements that are well-pleasing to God:
obedience, sacrificial living, service, and giving. The phrase to the Lord, justifies Paul’s call to
the children for obedience. An act beyond the obedience to their parents, to
the Lord Himself.
To the Fathers: “do
not exasperate [ provoke—KJV] your children, so that they will not lose heart”
(3:21 cf. Eph. 6:4). This is a special instruction to fathers in accordance
with the norm of Roman society. The Roman patria
potetas (household authority) “gave the father
unlimited power over his children and the law exercised a considerable degree
of influence in Hellenistic culture.”[2]
The word exasperate is the Greek word
erethizo, meaning to provoke; to stir up; or excite. Here it
is used in the evil sense.[3] It is to lose your cool or patience with the
child. In his blog, Paul Tautges listed 25 things to provoke your child:
Lack of marital harmony;
Establishing and maintaining a
child-centered home;
Modeling sinful anger;
Habitually disciplining in anger;
Scolding; Being inconsistent with
discipline;
Having double standards;
Being legalistic;
Not admitting you’re wrong and
not asking for forgiveness;
Constantly finding fault;
Parents reversing God-given
roles;
Not listening to your child’s
opinion or taking his or her ‘side of the story’ seriously;
Comparing them to others;
Not making time ‘just to talk’;
Not praising or encouraging your
child;
Failing to keep your promises;
Chastening in front of others;
Not allowing enough freedom;
Allowing too much freedom;
Mocking your child;
Abusing them physically;
Ridiculing or name calling;
Unrealistic expectations;
Practicing favoritism; and Child
training with worldly methodologies inconsistent with God’s Word. 4]
To this I would add not to be unkind,
nor overprotect them.
We must be warned not to go to the extreme in discipline,
which can be an act of physical or psychological abuse. It is an act of sin and
an exercise of carnality (1 Cor. 3:3; Gal. 5:20). This goes against the
admonition of Colossians 3:12-13. It breeds bitterness and resentfulness in the
child. It kills the child’s self-esteem. Our focus of being a father is to love
our child and to aid in reassuring and building up their character. C is to be
used, but it is not to be overbearing.
A father’s responsibility is to act in such a way that
the result will be that they do not lose
heart. The KJV uses the word discouraged.
The Greek word is athumeo (used only here in the NT) a compound word of not and
spirit or courage, denoting feelings. It is a purpose clause. This type of
clause is often used of a situation that is to be avoided (cf. Matt. 7:1;
17:27; Rom. 11:25; 15:20; 1 Cor. 4:6; 8:13; Eph. 2:9).[5]
Our purpose is to prevent the child from losing heart or courage. We are to
build them up, and not to destroy them.
[1] Frank Thielman,
BECNT: EPHESIANS, [Grand Rapids MI, Baker, 2010], 395.
[3] Vine, EXPOSITORY DICTIONARY, 3:228.
[5] Pao, ZECNT:
COLOSSIANS AND PHILEMON, 271.
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